I’ve always loved theater. I enjoy watching performances and assisting backstage. However, what I really love is being one of the performers, right in the middle of the action.

When I’m on the stage, this whole other side of me comes out. It’s like the costumes and memorized lines are a catalyst, allowing me to put all of my best qualities on display under fake names and personas. The spotlights draw out my confidence, my humor, and my charm. All of the attributes I’ve always wanted come out when I take the stage.

And, until recently, I assumed that I could only conjure up these traits when shoved into the spotlight. But I’m learning that’s not actually the case at all.

I have been thinking about it for about a week now, since one of my best friends pointed out the difference he’s seen in me lately, especially with my most recent relationship. Since that moment, sitting on his back deck while the sun set and the kids played in the pool, I’ve gone on a wild ride through my memories trying to piece it all together. While I can’t give my gorgeous girlfriend the credit for being the catalyst here, I can say with absolute certainty that she’s the validation of my progress, and the reward for working so hard to be the best version of myself to ever exist.

The catalyst, I think, was a conversation I had with the other half of my bestie dynamic duo. More specifically, it was when she said: “What would it look like if you worked on these things, not for someone else, but for yourself?”

Historically, my main consideration for any action has been the effect it will have on others. In many cases, this includes the impact it will have on my relationship with these other people because, deep down, a part of me will always be the girl sitting all by herself in one of the tubes on the playground at recess.

If I really sit and think about it, that’s why the stage is so freeing. When I get into character, I’m forced to set aside those pieces of my past. And the person I become in the spotlight? I don’t do it to befriend the audience and prevent them from leaving—I do it for myself and the fulfillment I experience in executing the role.

When you put on a show for someone else, you’ll always be acting. But when you choose to behave in specific ways because of the satisfaction and fulfillment you receive, you begin to unlock the most authentic version of yourself.

Since last fall, there have been numerous examples of this in my life. For starters, my pet sitting side hustle is continuing to bloom, largely because my clients see my love, loyalty, and work ethic in the care their pets receive and the way I leave their homes. I’ve also been more assertive and proactive in my full-time job, and I’m being seen as more of a leader and less of a cog in the machine as a result.

It doesn’t just stop there. I’ve started acknowledging compliments from my friends. I’m not constantly questioning their motives or looking for the joke at the end. I’ve also stopped blaming myself for everything and seeing the fault in others when they lie, make outlandish accusations, or put words in my mouth.

My girlfriend told me the other day that she loves seeing the way my confidence continues to increase the longer we’re together (she says it’s hot). And you know what? I’m not mad at it. In fact, I think she’s right. The more I let this confidence that’s always been inside me out into the world, the better I feel. It’s the exact opposite of the hate spirals my brain generates, and it’s so weird when I realize that my positivity is feeding on itself.

Now, I’m far from perfect and the anxiety I’ve always carried around is still there. But I know that the more I begin to take down my walls and let everyday be my time in the spotlight. Because, let’s be honest, I’m definitely a pretty cool gal.