I am against New Year’s resolutions. I despise them. We intentionally set ourselves up for failure because we pick these wild goals without an action plan to implement them. At the same time, though, the intention behind resolutions is good because it motivates us (albeit temporarily).

For 2024, I decided to try something new. I established an “intention” for the new year, a “word to live by,” if you will.

The magic word? Trust.

Trust isn’t just a word; it’s a practice. I’ve often struggled with it, and this has shaped my relationships, mindset, and sense of self.

What Makes Trust So Difficult?

Trust is a deceptively simple concept that often feels impossible to achieve. It requires us to be vulnerable, to let go of control, and to believe in things we cannot guarantee. 

For many, myself included, these things don’t come naturally. 

At its core, trust is risky. It’s opening yourself up to the unknown, whether that’s another person, a process, or even your intuition. And when trust has been broken before — by people, by circumstances, or by life itself — it can feel almost foolish to try again.

But that’s what makes trust so powerful. It’s not blind faith. It’s a choice and, often, a hard one.

At the heart of trust is vulnerability — and for so many of us, being vulnerable feels unsafe. Maybe it’s because of past betrayals or because we’ve learned to protect ourselves by building walls. Vulnerability asks us to let those walls down, to allow others to see us fully, flaws and all, and to risk rejection or disappointment. That’s no small feat.

I spent years keeping people at arm’s length, believing shutting them out was safer than risking being let down. But that safety was an illusion. The walls I built to protect myself also kept out love, connection, and growth.

When you don’t trust, everything feels heavier. Every relationship, every interaction, every moment is clouded by doubt and fear. For me, distrust meant constantly questioning others’ motives, assuming the worst, and overanalyzing every word and action. It meant sleepless nights filled with what-ifs and conversations that replayed endlessly in my mind.

Distrust isn’t just a lack of belief in others; it’s an emotional burden you carry alone. And over time, that burden becomes exhausting. It isolates you from others and, more importantly, from yourself.

My first step was acknowledging the difficulty of trust. The second was deciding that the fear of vulnerability was no longer worth the loneliness it brought.

Learning How to Trust Others

When I selected my intention word for 2024, I primarily focused on my distrust of others. 

I had just started dating again. I didn’t trust the woman I was seeing and constantly questioned her words, actions, and motives. I would spend too much time worrying, responding to simple conversations with over-the-top emotions, and feeling on edge anytime we were together. It wasn’t working.

But it wasn’t just her: this was a universal issue in my life. I had never fully trusted anyone in my life, and this lack of trust makes it impossible to develop meaningful long-term relationships with people, whether friends or romantic partners.

It took most of the year to work on this, and it still isn’t perfect. But, with each passing month, I have had opportunities to lean in and trust others, leading to astronomical growth.

I have confided in friends, letting them know when I’m struggling and asking them for advice. I allowed new people to enter my life and fought urges to build walls, make assumptions, and discount people based on single conversations. But most of all, I have allowed people to show me who they are instead of sizing them up right away and suspecting they hate me right away.

Learning How to Trust the Process

When you distrust people, it impacts nearly every aspect of your life. Needless to say, when people would tell me to “trust the process” or “have faith,” I would laugh and brush them off. And, if anyone sat and looked at my history, they would probably respond similarly.

But here’s the thing: I can’t control everything. None of us can. You’ll lose your grasp of sanity if you try — and I was.

I struggled with blind trust and hoping for the best well before Emily died. However, watching her fade away, spending nearly an hour entirely alone, pacing and praying in the ICU waiting room, let my already anxious and distrustful mind run wild. 

It took me until September to find my stride, but once I did, everything started to change. 

I no longer assume minor incidents will snowball into larger problems. I wake up and let the day show me what it has to offer instead of assuming everything will be horrible from the start. I don’t panic and fight against every situation I encounter, but instead, I survey my role and what I can control, then try my best to let the rest go.

There will always continue to be work to do here, but I look forward to the challenge and the experiences it provides.

Learning How to Trust Myself

Trusting others is important, but trusting yourself is critical to all aspects of life. Yet, prior to this year, I probably trusted myself even less than I trusted anyone else. 

I grew up in an environment where I was frequently criticized or judged harshly, which eroded my self-confidence and trust in my abilities. The unhealthy relationships and traumatic events of my past left me constantly questioning my perceptions and decision-making. Because of my low self-esteem, I believed that I was inherently incapable or unworthy. And, of course, I also feared failure but assumed I would fail at anything I tried.

This is where the most magic has happened this year.

Over the course of the past year, I have learned that I am strong. I can care for myself, keep myself safe, and make rational decisions. My intuition is more accurate than I ever realized, and I have the capacity to do whatever it takes to reach my goals. 

I can survive on my own. I am strong, intelligent, and amazing. I can trust myself — I will keep myself sane and safe.

A Transformative Year of Trust

Learning to trust isn’t about flipping a switch and suddenly believing in everyone and everything. It’s about taking small steps and trusting a friend to keep your secrets. Trusting a partner to show up when they say they will. Trusting yourself to handle life’s twists and turns. Each moment of trust, no matter how small, builds the foundation for something bigger.

And trust isn’t linear. There are days when it feels impossible when doubt creeps back in and whispers, “What if?” But those moments don’t erase the progress you’ve made. Each act of trust is a step forward, no matter how imperfect.

Trust isn’t about guarantees. It’s about possibility. It’s about permitting yourself to hope, believe, and let go of the weight you’ve been carrying. Because when you do, the freedom on the other side is worth it.

If trust feels out of reach, I want you to ask yourself: When was the last time you gave someone — or yourself — the benefit of the doubt? When was the last time you believed things might turn out okay, even if you weren’t entirely sure?

Is it scary? Hell, yes, it is! 

But is it worth it? Also yes!

As the clock ticks into 2025, I am proud of the woman I am becoming — a woman learning to lean into trust. Trust in the universe. Trust in the people who choose to be in her life. And most importantly, trust in herself.