I am one incredibly lucky lady, because I have some of the greatest friends in the entire world. However, one of my best friends has an uncanny tendency to ask me these deep, thought-provoking questions that I spend hours (or even days) grappling with after the fact.

Over the past week, she has asked me so many things (in fact, this blog’s existence came out of one of her most recent questions), but one of them has been swirling inside my mind for nearly a week now: What would it look like to love yourself?

It seems so easy, right? Surely everyone loves themselves… right?

The Concept of Self-Love

Self-love is a term we throw around a lot these days. We see it splashed across social media, in self-help books, and even hear it used in casual conversations. But what does it even mean?

At its core, self-love is about cultivating a deep and abiding respect for yourself. It’s not just about indulging in occasional pampering or treating yourself to something special—although those can be parts of it. True self-love goes beyond surface-level acts; it’s about nurturing your mind, body, and spirit in ways that honor your intrinsic worth.

Self-love means embracing your flaws and imperfections, recognizing that they are part of what makes you uniquely you. It involves setting boundaries, making choices that align with your values, and speaking to yourself with kindness and compassion. It’s about understanding that your worth isn’t tied to your accomplishments, appearance, or the approval of others, but rather rooted in your inherent dignity as a human being.

Yet, as simple as it may sound, self-love can be incredibly challenging. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that loving ourselves is selfish or arrogant. We might struggle with negative self-talk, feelings of inadequacy, or the fear of being seen as self-centered. Society often reinforces these beliefs, making it even harder to break free from the cycle of self-doubt.

For me, this means finding balance: the balance between nurturing yourself and caring for others, between accepting who you are and striving to grow. It’s a practice that evolves over time, as you continue to learn more about yourself and what you need to thrive.

“What Would It Look Like to Love Yourself?”

I’ll be honest, self-love has never been a concept I understood how to cultivate for myself. I am quite skilled at finding intrinsic worth in others and showing unconditional love to the people in my life, but no one really taught me how to love myself. I learned from a very young age that there are too many things about me that are “wrong.” I don’t fit into the neat little box society believes I should be in, and it’s always been something people have held against me.

Whether they meant to or not, the adults in my life shaped me to believe that my worth is tied to my productivity and perfection. I also learned I should not show off my talents or speak positively about myself, because that would be considered boasting and prideful.

So, I stuffed down my feelings, tried my hardest to fit into the boxes, and sunk deeper and deeper into a place of self-loathing instead of self-love. I bent over backwards to make others happy with the hope they would love me, but that often turned into situations where I gave and poured but received nothing in return.

I don’t think I knew what it was like for anyone to genuinely love me until I met some of my current friends in college. I’m also fairly certain Emily was the first person to love me romantically (and maybe she’s the only person who ever will).

I’ve reached a point in my life where I don’t flat out hate myself (most days, anyway), but I am still my own worst critic. It’s like there’s a tiny voice that constantly follows me around, poking holes in my positive thoughts to skew them into the negative.

And yet, I desperately crave a world where I do love myself, a world where I see myself the way my friends do.

What I Love About Me

My journey to self-love is just beginning, but I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on the pieces of myself I like, so I feel like now is the time to share.

I love my ability to show empathy and compassion. I feel emotions deeply, and can be very intuitive. This helps me meet people where they are, walk with them, and provide them with comfort and support. I dream of a future where I can not only share this gift with my partner, my children, and my friends, but also the people I work with on a daily basis.

I am grateful for my writing skills. I have connected with so many incredible people through written words, and it’s always been something that has brought me joy. I am not always great at communicating what lives inside my head, but when I sit down with a paper and pen or place my hands on the keyboard, I can truly express myself.

I love my sense of humor. Yes, I can be a bit dark and self-deprecating at times, but I also have a skill for making the people around me laugh even when they are dealing with challenging moments. It’s an art form that helps me connect with people I may not otherwise build relationships with.

I am blessed with great intelligence. I thrived in school, and even now that I’m an adult, my gifted brain helps me in many ways. I pick up on new skills quickly, I understand complex subjects and can break them down for others, and I can use my mind to accomplish anything I desire. It’s pretty awesome.

I love my hair. It’s a beautiful color, it’s easy to maintain, and it has natural highlights. Also, because the hair on my legs is almost completely blonde, I can get away with not shaving from time to time. Ha!

I know there are numerous other things I could probably list, but this is a great start for someone who constantly beats up on themselves.

Setting Out on The Journey of Self-Love

Self-love is a journey, not a destination—a process of unlearning harmful beliefs, healing old wounds, and learning to see yourself through a lens of compassion and acceptance. It’s about giving yourself permission to take up space, to be imperfect, and to prioritize your own well-being without guilt or shame.

This isn’t a switch I can flip and magically be “healed,” nor is it something I will never accomplish. I just need time, a great therapist (which I already have), and a support system who is willing to walk along with me as I try to do one of the hardest things I’ve ever attempted.

As I reflect on my friend’s question—What would it look like to love yourself?—I realize that the answer is both deeply personal and ever-changing. But one thing is clear: the journey to self-love is one of the most important and rewarding paths we can walk.